In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she
was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last
days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that
she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:

"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker
told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in,
but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription
to be unnecessarily long.

They simply wrote:

"Returned unopened"

Listen
Listen to us
As we scream
This body that you violated
Reclaims its humanity
We hate you
For what you've done to us
....to our body
....to our soul
We won't let you walk away
You will listen
As we scream
We fall
But you do not catch us
If you are going to oppress us
You could at least look
and see what you've done
....manipulating
....lying
You cheat us out of what is ours
Give it back.
Listen to us.

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of the banjo-geek in "Deliverance")

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (I don't want to do my dad.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night, or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend (I prefer my male cat and a ½ gallon of Ben and Jerry's).

5. I don't date men where I work (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring + unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

...And the number 1 rejection line given by women (and what it actually means):

1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around, so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male perspective thing)
________________________________________ ___________

In response...
The male perspective on the same issue ...
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean...)

10. I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)

7. My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)

6. I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)

5. I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)

4. It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)

2. I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)

..And the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means):

1. Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN COLLEGE TOO LONG WHEN...

* You consider McDonald's "real food"

* You actually like doing laundry at home

* 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends

* It starts getting late on the weeknights

* Two miles is not too far to walk for a party

* You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it

* You'd rather clean than study

* "How did it get so late!" comes out of your mouth at least once a
night

* Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal

* Minesweeper is more than a game it's a way of life

* You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps

* You know the pizza boy by name

* You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark

* You live for getting mail

* Looking out the window is a form of entertainment

* Prank phone calls become funny again

* It feels weird to take a shower without shoes on

* Whole wars can take place, and you are clueless (no connection to the outside
world)

* You start thinking and sounding like your roommate

* Blacklights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth

* Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime

* You find out milk crates had so many uses

· Wal-mart is the coolest store
·
* The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday, (or Wednesday morning to Tues night)

· You are sitting around making lists about how you know you've been in college too long


Top Ten Drug Using Cartoon Suspects
-----------------------------------
10. Gargamel- Most likely on LSD.Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys in
faggy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat.What does he plan to
do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?

9. Olive Oil-Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines.Who is that skinny? She might even be anorexic, she IS always giving her burger to her friend.One side question, what the hell are Popeye and Brutus thinking? They almost made the list for courting her.

8. Snagglepuss - Can't explain it.Maybe it's the name,or the look,but he is suspicious.

7. HeMan- This is an easy one.I mean c'mon. Roid monkey #1."BY THE POWER OF
ANABOL!!!!!!"Makes me want to root for Skeletor.Alone in his castle,hitting the weights.And on top of that he even injects the shit in his pet tiger. Animal Abuse.

6. & 5. Yogi and Boo Boo- We all know what is really in those picnic baskets.They go back to the cave and trip.

4. Droopy- The number one downer abuser in toon land.Can't someone slip him an upper every year or two?The only time I ever saw him happy is when he sees the picture of the babe.

3. Dopey Dwarf- He openly admits it.The other dwarfs deny involvement but they are under investigation.Allegations that Doc is writing some extra scripts for Sneezy and all the guys are partaking are afloat.

1. Daffy Duck- If he isn’t using crack,Merion Barry is clean.He is so wired he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off all the time.Some symptoms might be from “daffiness” but Haladol wouldn’t work for him. Might for his buddy with Tourettes,Porky though.

1. Shaggy- By far the #1 suspect.His clothes,his hair,his bad goatee,the boy converses with dogs.But all of this is nothing until you go to the Munchie Factor.Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats consumed per episode does pot.Scooby is guilty by association .And Look at the way him and his friends painted that van!

... If every man says all he can,
If every man is true,
Do I believe the sky above
Is Caribbean Blue...